I guess I havent been too open on here about how tough the past few months have been for me.
I have gone through some rough times and tired to stay positive and learn the most I can but I cant lie...
The past few months I've done much of nothing. Yeah I got the job I wanted, and from the outside it would seem as though I am doing BIG things with my life. To be completely honest I dont really know how i got to this point but Im sure thankful I pulled it together somehow. Because all these past few months have seemed to be for me have just been, staying home every day, sleeping, therapy, church, work, and a whole lot of negativity and grouchiness from my part. I go back and look at about 6 months ago and think about everything got so out of hand, how things basically crashed and burned right before my eyes and I did NOTHING about it but watch and dwell in self pity after.
Its funny how we choose what determines our happiness and we use that one important choice on such foolish things sometimes. Some people spend that ONE important choice on , a boy/girl. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it that we let ONE person determine our past, present and future? Why is it that love from someone else becomes so important in our lives when what we should really focus on is love from ourselves. Why is it that we put our happiness on hold for someone to come along? What ever happen to OUR dreams, goals, hopes, wishes, life!!!!! Why dont we use that ONE choice on things that really matter? Because somewhere, somehow, in this community we live in, "happiness" comes from finding SOMEONE when really happiness should only be about finding OURSELVES!
After months and months and MONTHS of having the hardest time of my life and going through the toughest things I have yet it finally came clear recently that MY happiness depends on ME! I choose to depend my happiness on the Lord. These past few days I've decided to focus on him 100% to give my relationship with him one last chance and lets just say....It's good to finally be back! (: Out of that dark place and back into things that REALLY matter!
How beautiful it is to go back to a spot after months and come back fully recovered from what seemed to be the worse illness ever. How great it is to look at Satan in the face once again and say
"you almost got me this time, but sorry I have a stronger testimony than that!!" (: (:
Disclaimer: This happiness doesnt last forever if I dont work on in daily, but as long as I do my part the happiness will remain and sure trials will come but life will always be good as long as I choose to be happy! (:
If I were to look back at that girl today I would probably tell her that the end of the world wont happen because of a boy (: To cut the crying and get to reading! haha but then again, there goes that blunt side in me again (;
