Maybe....
It isnt right for a girl who has been heart broken to curse every guy out there...its not fair. okay.
Well...Since the heart break...(which wasnt over a year ago) I decided I wanted to live life without a boy for a very very very long time. I wanted to give myself time and to just focus on EVERYTHING except boys. Life was okay...lonely but okay.
CLEARLY....
that wasnt possible. He came into my life. I have to admit I wasnt ONE bit bothered. But my guard was up. I wanted to know how much he would be able to do for me to put my guard down....I repeated the process that I went through with many other guys before and had worked like a charm to get rid of him..but he didnt go anywhere.
He said the right things, did nothing (which was perfect), and went about everything smoothly.
I remember talks with my closest girlfriends...."he's different." while at the same time talking, and venting about my fear to fall for something pointless again. The whole "I dont want to go through this again...I think he's worth it...Noo!! i need to just go back to focusing on work and my calling....but he's sooo nice and when we talk its soo awesome!!"
Talks with him were sooo fun. (: Sooo smooth and sooo great (: Alright, I decided to let my guard down...he said he wasnt going anywhere so what the heck!
Days later....
He left...didnt say why. He just left.
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.............???????
Yah boys are a headache...my point exactly!
This time wasnt as bad as the time before because the feelings for him werent a grain of salt close to the other boy..But they were nice feelings and its sad that they were stopped by ...who knows what and who knows why? ):
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Boys are a headache...especially this one. Part 1.
First, i would like to state to the world that I MARIANA LOPEZ have been heart broken before....
What was it like???
Well....
technically I should've been heart broken forever ago but I didnt want to go through what I eventually ended up going through...does that make sense? well it does for me.
It was MOST for surely (i know those words dont go together but oh well.) one of the hardest I as a teenage girl have ever gone through.
Lets talk about this shall we? ......
The crying- The crying was non stop for 2 days straight, went to bed crying...woke up crying. Yahhh!! /: Eyes were deff swollen and VERY red.
The feeling- The feeling was "Ill never be able to let him go"...the conffused feeling of how everything got out of my hands was intense!! For YEARS i was sure of what I would end up with...and yet this time I found myself completly alone without the ONE thing i was SURE was for me.
The encouraging "advice" or "words of wisdom"- I deff had tons of people letting me know "he's not worth your tears" or "he's the one missing out" but none of that stuff semmed true at the moment.
The ice cream?- Yeah that I didnt experience..i simply wasnt hungry. Anything that wasnt my bed wasnt appealing. I hated everything. So i cant say that food helped me.
The prayers- Prayer was the thing that has me here today...still going and not depressed. I remember a certain prayer I made...putting everything in the hands of the Lord and moving on from there...
The after feeling- Well...the after feeling...if I really sit and think about it I do get sad. Just to go back and think of that girl laying in bed CRYYYYYYYYINNGG and feeling desperate to do ANYTHING...walk ANYWHERE....say ANYTHING to get him back...it makes me sad to think that anyone ever had so much control over me. It makes me sad to think that there is actually a boy out there whom I believed in whole heartedly with no limitations and that he couldnt give me back a piece of what i gave for him. It makes MORE sad to think that for a guy like ^^^ that I thought less of MYSELF!
What was it like???
Well....
technically I should've been heart broken forever ago but I didnt want to go through what I eventually ended up going through...does that make sense? well it does for me.
It was MOST for surely (i know those words dont go together but oh well.) one of the hardest I as a teenage girl have ever gone through.
Lets talk about this shall we? ......
The crying- The crying was non stop for 2 days straight, went to bed crying...woke up crying. Yahhh!! /: Eyes were deff swollen and VERY red.
The feeling- The feeling was "Ill never be able to let him go"...the conffused feeling of how everything got out of my hands was intense!! For YEARS i was sure of what I would end up with...and yet this time I found myself completly alone without the ONE thing i was SURE was for me.
The encouraging "advice" or "words of wisdom"- I deff had tons of people letting me know "he's not worth your tears" or "he's the one missing out" but none of that stuff semmed true at the moment.
The ice cream?- Yeah that I didnt experience..i simply wasnt hungry. Anything that wasnt my bed wasnt appealing. I hated everything. So i cant say that food helped me.
The prayers- Prayer was the thing that has me here today...still going and not depressed. I remember a certain prayer I made...putting everything in the hands of the Lord and moving on from there...
The after feeling- Well...the after feeling...if I really sit and think about it I do get sad. Just to go back and think of that girl laying in bed CRYYYYYYYYINNGG and feeling desperate to do ANYTHING...walk ANYWHERE....say ANYTHING to get him back...it makes me sad to think that anyone ever had so much control over me. It makes me sad to think that there is actually a boy out there whom I believed in whole heartedly with no limitations and that he couldnt give me back a piece of what i gave for him. It makes MORE sad to think that for a guy like ^^^ that I thought less of MYSELF!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Booo!!!
Ive never been a halloween fan. Idk why I just kind of never saw the point in it I guess!
Maybe because for three years straight eating candy wanst an option due to my sexy metals!!
Buuuut this year ....
Halloween became my favorite holiday!! (:
Noting too exciting happened but I dressed up and got to see tons of my friends dressed up toO!! (:
I know that it probably doesnt seem like it but First off...
I have never dressed up ! This year I decided that in order to get in the "halloween spirit!" i needed to dress up!! So the night before my friend and I decided to be nerds!!!
So nerds we were!! (:
The best part was seeing my friends use their immagination to dress up in awesome ways (:
And pumpkin carving of course (:
SO yeah when I actually decided to celebrate Halloween it became pretty great! (:
Thursday, October 28, 2010
To a boy...
Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanted to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanted to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
This is my song to a boy (:
Thank you Taylor Swift!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What hides behind your mask??
One thing is clear to me. Everyone hides behind a mask.
I guess I cant really blame anyone for protecting themselves but it totally frustrates me to know that people use those masks to be fake to those around them.
There deff have been times when I have had to pretend to be something for someone ...but almost always it has been for their benefit not my own. I like to be blunt and straight up....
lately I have found myself surrounded by people who have been something around me ..and suddenly stopped. It kind of makes me wonder...if i met the real person...or just the mask. Its so frustrating and sooo annoying.
Clarity is such a huge deal to me!!! I wont ever say, do, think something i dont mean.
I wish people who want to honestly be around me would do the same....
I understand people have to hide to protect themselves but that doesnt make it an excusse to be fake.
Monday, October 18, 2010
A little fear of mine.
The thought of dating is sooo scary to me. I dont really know where the heck i was traumatized but I hate dating and the thought of going on a date makes me nervous and VERRRYY scared. For some reason I've never been able to think of dates as harmless hang outs.
When I think of dates I usually end up in the same spot...and that is someone being heartbroken. Its not like I dont wish I wasnt scared of it but I am..
Dating is a little fear of mine...
SIGH!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Life with TWO jobs...
SO i guess you can say that I'm officially a responsible adult!? Now not only do I have to keep one job I have to keep TWO!! (:
I really love my new job! (: I work for the Provo Craft call center! I know it sounds like just any other call center job but this job is really amaziing! (: I love my co-workers, i love the values my job has, I ABSOLUTELY adore the fact that I work to help other people have a good experience with our company! (:
This week we've just been training. Training has been over a week but it has really been a blast! (:
Working two jobs i must admit is tough. My schedule is
6 45: Wake up (or try to wake up)
7 30-8 30 get ready
9-5 Work at Provo Craft (:
5-9 30 work At my second Job (whic btw I love but will not post the name of for safety reasons (: )
10-11 Get ready for bed
and thats how life goes for now! I dont hate it though (: Im blessed to have the most amazing co-workers in both jobs and they make it fun to go to work (:
Its fun to see how life changes, the older you get...the more responsabilities. I have two jobs and feel very priviledged to have them (:
Growing up is part of life...and it comes weather we want it or not!
I really love my new job! (: I work for the Provo Craft call center! I know it sounds like just any other call center job but this job is really amaziing! (: I love my co-workers, i love the values my job has, I ABSOLUTELY adore the fact that I work to help other people have a good experience with our company! (:
This week we've just been training. Training has been over a week but it has really been a blast! (:
Working two jobs i must admit is tough. My schedule is
6 45: Wake up (or try to wake up)
7 30-8 30 get ready
9-5 Work at Provo Craft (:
5-9 30 work At my second Job (whic btw I love but will not post the name of for safety reasons (: )
10-11 Get ready for bed
and thats how life goes for now! I dont hate it though (: Im blessed to have the most amazing co-workers in both jobs and they make it fun to go to work (:
Its fun to see how life changes, the older you get...the more responsabilities. I have two jobs and feel very priviledged to have them (:
Growing up is part of life...and it comes weather we want it or not!
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